One of these days....

I guess we all have "bad" days, but somehow it seems to me that since I am back from the UK I had "bad" days only. No, I am not kidding!

It seems that I am a bit unbalanced at the moment and better be left alone. No matter what I do, I always seem to do it wrong. Today is definitely "one of these days" as I seem to be snippy with everyone (that is at least what my mother says) who crosses my way. I feel it coming myself, but I am unable to help it. So in the end I say things I regret later on no matter if I was talking to my family, friends or even the guy at the cashier!

I don't want to say I am unstable, but definitely as I already said, unbalanced. Maybe there are too many things going on - like the 50th wedding anniversary of my grandparents and everything related to that, the wedding of very good friend on the coming Saturday, Inspiration (my choir), obviously university related matters (I still do not have any results as one of the professors has not read my thesis yet, even though he was supposed to hand in his reference by the 1st of July!) and.... just beeing back is more than I can cope with.

Somehow I realized that I have definitely come to a point where living at my parents - even though only for a week and a half in a row - is not an option anymore. I love them, mind you, but I have become, if this is possible, even more independent over the last 4 months. As I have problems with my diet anyway, I seem to be arguing with my mum quite often, so I decided to take over cooking for the whole family, so at least I can do the things like they are best for my stomach, which is also a bit unsettled since I am back. I don't want to complain, but I get the feeling that I do not really fit in, no matter if I am at uni or at my parents. Maybe I should not have gone back to the UK, but I had hoped that this would put me back at ease somehow.

So at the moment I spend most of my time in my room to make sure that I do not upset my family too much with my, I admit, rude remarks - somehow everything seems to annoy me "these days" and I regret a lot of things I said lately. This also involves friends and someone I really like (but unable to show) and I even think about giving up the thing I like most (and in former times seemed to get me balanced again), so I cannot hurt him and the others.

Well, I just hope that "one of these days" does not become a regular habbit and that as soon as I manage to settle down and fit in again, I can spend time with the people I like.

A big hug to everyone and I apologize for this "serious" post
Nadja