Bye, bye Shani!

On Friday I had to say goodbye to good old Shani. After 14 years it was time that he made his last trip, but it was a sad one for both of us. We had 8 wonderful years together and he got me everywhere I wanted to go.
His greatest adventure was his trip to Ireland, where we cruised the whole island in a very short time. Okay, he definitely did not like the potholes and after his time in Ireland he needed new shock absorbers. We had a great time and as he was my first car, I will always remember him. All in all he travelled 135887 km, he was a tough little fellow. No one had such a lovely pink car, which never really caused problems.
I gave him a hearty farewell and the last thing I did, was taking off the little bow, which he had carried for the last 3 years on its antenna. I had to fight with tears and it was sad that he did not have the strength to go on. You will always be remembered!

SHANI
loved and loving car of Nadja
* 04.04.1995
+ 17.04.2009

I will miss you!

Long time - no see

Oh well, what can I say to defend myself? I guess nothing suitable.

So it has been some time since my last post. To be honest, there were not too many things going on, but I had my hands in a full workload. New pupils, new collegues, new school, new books, new stuff to teach...

I cannot really tell you, how I feel, because my moodchanges even get on my own nerves. At the moment I feel like a hamster in a treadmill, always a step behind with everything: my work, my family, my friends. I function, but I am not really happy. Sometimes I wonder if I have chosen the right job. Mind you, I love teaching, but I am not sure if I can meet the expectations everyone seems to have. I have high claims for myself that I try to meet and people around me (collegues, family, friends) all seem to demand more than I can give. Unfortuntely my rotten time-management makes everything worse. Furthermore some of my students are, ehm..., "pubertal".

I don't want to whinge, but it does not help when friends tell me that teachers have more holidays than anyone else, teachers have only a half-time job and get home at 2pm, teachers have nothing to do... They do not see that I come home at 5, have a break till 6 and then spend the rest of the evening (usually till 12) at my desk preparing classes or marking various pieces of work. Same goes for at least half of the weekend, sometimes more if there is marking to do. Right, at the moment I need way too much time to prepare a single class because I do not have any resources I can rely on and I admit that there are periods in history of which I have hardly any knowledge, so I have to read a lot. And don't talk about payment, at the moment I earn less than 1,000 Euro for a 75 hour week!

I just hope it gets better over the months and that I get some routine to manage workload, free time and friends/family in a way that the treadmill runs smoother and slower! I am working on it. So it has nothing to do with YOU if you do not hear anything from me, at least not personally. I avoid my computer as good as I can if I do not have to work.

But there are also things which are positive at the moment. I have the opportunity to spend time with my friends - well, I live with them again :-) I also see my godchild more regularly as I am always at home when they visit my parents. I plan my summer holidays (some change of scene might help), I expect to meet some friends over the holidays (yes, I do have holidays over Easter), I hope I get to know a bit better how my students "tick" as we say in German. But there has also been a shock two weeks ago when my great-aunt was killed in a car-crash.

I spent the last three days with my collegues of the FLG at Schney Castle where we had a psychology and pedagogy training with our tutors. It felt so good that the others who started their teaching career with me seem to have the same kind of problems. My students are lambs compared to some of collegues' students! My school, even though the equipment (OHP, laptop, beamer, etc.) is from the last century, is a good one and not a bad place to start. Still I think about other options, e.g. starting my PhD next year or going abroad again. We will see. I will definitely survive these two year of training and then we will see what happens!

Even though sometimes everything seems black, there is always some white. I think positive, but I long for some free time without my conscience bothering me all the time.

Hope you are all well and I hope I can post more regulary - I work on my time management!

Long time no see

I have been absent from my blog for quite some time. Of course I was busy, but somehow also a bit lazy. Too many things were going on so that I was not very keen on spending time at my laptop.

There are many things I planned to write a post about and probably I will do so over the weekend:

• Natalie's baptism in May
  
• Eva & Fred's wedding in May
• my first allocation to a school in Munich and my fight to stay in Bamberg
  
• my holidays in Torquay and London
• Anne & Nils wedding two weeks ago
• and MY FIRST DAY AT SCHOOL

I also have the results for my second degree and I am very happy and proud about them. The celebrations, however, have to wait until November.

Yes, I made it back to school. I am a fully trained teacher now or at least I have passed all the academic parts of it. My new school is the Franz-Ludwig-Gymnasium in Bamberg and there are 20 other "freshers" with various different subjects: History, Social Science, Maths, Physics, German and English.
Today I was told which classes I have to teach on my own after half term: A Yr 6 in English and a Yr 12 in History (foundation course). And here we are...

Can you spot me?

Rollercoaster

The last two days have been an absolute emotional rollercoaster ride. As I already said, I got the news that my new school would be in Munich. I was absolutely crushed, I did/do not want to go to Munich. Yes, it is a great city, but not with a very low income, I am not very fond of sleeping under a bridge.

Anyway, I am not giving up.

Thursday I phoned the school in Munich, but they are not able to help me find accomodation. I also wrote a mail to one of the professors who had offered me a Phd telling him about my "catastrophe". Well, I got a mail back the same evening telling me not to worry too much. He promised to phone the ministry of education first thing the next morning, trying to find out if there is any chance of getting a teaching position in Bamberg - without giving away my name of course. So he did and told me at 10 the next morning that 4 candidates are not taking up their offered postions in Bamberg and that there is a slight chance that I get one of these posts instead of the one in Munich. He told me to write the guy at the ministry a mail confirming my request. However, this mail backfired - well, it was undeliverable, so I guessed wronge e-mail address. So two hours later I phoned the guy. He was really unfriendly, absolutely rude to be honest. Apparently he had received my mail (no idea how) and was now angry that I blocked the lines and the "contribution process" by calling again. He had told the professor that a mail is enough. I apologized and he said, that my request will be considered and that I will get an answer in a few days time.

So at least now there is some hope that I can stay in Bamberg. Two of my friends did get their first choice schools and if I get the post in Bamberg, I will be at the same school as they are. That would be fantastic and the grade of my exam did not play any role in the distribution of "first choice" towns, as I was a lot better than one of them. Well, it doesn't matter, if I get the job in Bamberg.

KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED!

I celebrated my birthday and my exams last night with a few friends - or at least I tried, because there is still the Sword of Damocles hanging over me called Munich! I will blog some pictures of the party as soon as I get them off the camera.

Exam Update #16 (or Master, the THIRD)

Yesterday was the day of my written exam in English and American Literature. I had one question for which I had 4 hours to answer it.

Discuss the functions of Re-writing history in the New Britsh Drama after 1956 with special emphasis on the "Socialist Theatre".

The question was more ore less expected, but still I found it hard to answer, as I had four plays to discuss:

• Edward Bond: Early Morning (1968)
• Caryl Churchill: Light Shining in Buckinhamshire (1976)
• Edward Bond: Summer (1982)
• David Edgar: Pentecost (1994)

In the end I ran out of time, because I had spent too much time on the terminology of what history is, how the genre of History Plays can be defined and what the "socialist theatre" is and on the first 2 plays, so I had about an hour left for Summer and Pentecost and a conclusion. Even though I am not quite sure what the conclusion of my analysis war, as I found only one real function. Anyway, this should be a pass and this is all I need, as the grade is made up of both oral and written exam and I am sure that I know my stuff for the oral one.

The real shock, however, awaited me at home: the letter with the name of my school from September onwards!

I had chosen Bamberg, Kronach and Würzburg and guess where I ended up: MUNICH!

Now I have to find a flat in 3 weeks time as school is starting on the 17th of September which means I need a flat from the 1st of September.

Great.

Don't mention that Munich is the most expensive city in Germany, don't mention that it is more than difficult to find an affordable flat in that area at all (20 qm² for 500€ +), don't mention that I have only a 800€ salary, don't mention that I will then live more than 400km from my family, friends, choir and the like, don't mention that I wanted to go on holidays which I can cancel, if I do not find a flat next week....

This is not my week...

... or so it seems!

Okay, not all of this week was disappointing. I already told you about my PhD. There are some new developments:

• my grade is rounded down to 2,0 - which means that I fit the criteria
• there are two professors who are willing to take me on as a PhD student: my English Literature professor and my History Didactics professor
• the main problem, however, remains: financing another three years of study
• there are no PhD posts that are paid for social or language studies students - unfortunatley I have the wrong subjects - science or business students have quite better options
• scholarships are available, but I have to compete with all subjects, all degrees from all over Germany - it is an open secret that in some subjects a 2,0 is already a very "low" grade, which is completely the other way round for my degree in Bavaria, I am way above average! And: who supports a social studies or language students, there is no profit in such a student for business companies or research orientated companies!
  
• unfortunately the only thing my two professors can offer is that they support a scholarship application - which means I have to bridge financially at least half a year, of course without knowing that I will get a scholarship (my parents are not happy, I can tell you, as they are not able to support me any longer!)
• conclusion: FRUSTRATING

Today another one of my options was cut short: New Zealand

• I applied for a post as language assistent in New Zealand a few months back and only 2 weeks ago I was told that I managed the first round, which means that my application was sent by the German authorities to New Zealand and now they have to decide if they want to have me
• the problem from the beginning was that no one in Munich (home to my federal state authority for teachers) was able to tell me if the two years of teacher training which follow my academic degree can be combined with this language assistent post
• so far the only thing I knew was: This language assistent job might reduce my two years of teacher training by one year (great!), but I can only apply for a reduction three months after I started my job at the school in Germany (which is in September, so I cannot apply before December) and there is no guarantee that the commitee allows a reduction (still okay)
• also no one was able to tell me whether I am allowed to start my teaching post at all and whether I am allowed to adjourn my two years of practical teaching
• today I got an e-mail telling me that they recommend to complete a teaching assistent post BEFORE I start my practicals - well, and what do I do instead? Twiddle my thumbs?
  
• How do I finance half a year before the school year in New Zealand starts in February? Especially as the posts are not distributed until November - which might result in the fact that I bridge half a year and then I do not get a job and so six months were absolutely wasted???
• conclustion: FRUSTRATING

Anything positive this week? It is hard to find something positive among all these developments. I don't know, everything I started or worked for over the last few months (even years) seems to become useless in the end - mostly because of bureaucratic nonsense. I was told that a language post before my practicals would of course be more useful, especially for my language competence. Hey, I have already spent a year as Gap-assitent in London, 2 semesters at Limerick University and last summer I spent another 4 months teaching at RMS - I think I have spent more time abroad than 95% of my collegues here at university who finished their degree with me....

Don't ask me, I am a bit depressed and frustrated. I hope that my exams which start next Thursday will be alright - nothing to look forward to, but something to do where positive results are at least possible!!!

Dreams

Last night in the end I forced myself to open the letter. What can I say, I am surprised and really disappointed at the same time.

Surprised, because my grades in English were better than expected, really disappointed, because my history grades seem not really fair. I studied for my history exams (see exam update 4 and 5) for more than 6 months and in the end it was worth nothing, I could have get the same grades without doing anything at all in preparation. This is frustrating.

The worst thing, however, is something different. It is still a good grade all in all, but I missed the target that I needed for a Phd by 0,04 points! This is ridiculous! All because of the written history exams, because my oral exams in that subject could not have been any better. This is just not fair, what are 0,04 points in comparison to 13 exams?????

I am not sure if my exam-celebration at the beginning of August is taking place, because at the moment I do not feel like celebrating. And I find it even worse to motivate myself for my master exams, because unfortunately History Didactics is not a subject of my master degree and therefore it becomes a bit "useless" to go on with it as well. Furthermore, now after this option is gone, I feel even more certain that I do not want to end up in school in September!

What really matters in life...

This will be a more serious post than any I have ever written. The last few weeks have been horrible, but sometimes we seem to forget what really matters in life - family, friends and health.

I have been ill a few times and my chronic thyroid disease is sometimes a bit annoying, but I was never seriously ill. Two weeks ago my choir had a benefit performance for the leukaemia children's ward at Würzburg Hospital. Unfortunately this was the day when Natalie was baptized and therefore I was not able to attend the concert. However, I have been thinking about this topic a lot over the last few months. A good friend of mine was diagnosed leukaemia when he was a kid and survived. He was the one who arranged this benefit concert, because he himself spent many weeks on that ward in Würzburg.

Another friend told me about a UK blog called "Baldy's Blog" where 26-year-old Adrian is talking about his illness. He has been fighting for the last year and a half. Last week he was told that his leukaemia is back and that he has only weeks to months to live. He decided to stop any further intensive treatment.

This might sound strange to you, but reading his blog has been an inspiration for me, I have never seen anyone so strong and brave in the face of a serious illness. Even now since he knows that he has lost the fight, he is so full of life and it makes me realize that we often forget what is really important in life, because we exhaust ourselves with stupid things and do not listen to our body/soul - in my case exams obscure my clear vision. I feel sad that I am not allowed to donate bone marrow cells, because of my thyroid disease. I wished I could. Adrian has launched a plea for more bone marrow cells and if you have never thought about donating before, please do, it can save another person's life. By the way, Adrian's first transplant was from an unknown man in Germany, as Germany is considered the country with the best registration system for donors. And I guess we have all heard about various "Typisierungsaktionen" even in our remote area.

If you are interested, have a look at his blog, it is a great read. I sometimes feel ashamed while reading it, because I overrate my exams and what they mean to me. I have too great expectations and I am never ever able to live up to my own expectations. But does this really matter? Do my grades really matter? Do these grades really say something about my ability to teach or something about my personality? NO.

It seems I am in a very sentimental mood at the moment, which might be due to the fact that my body is telling me very vehemently over the last 3 days that my batteries are empty and that even my emergency batteries are running low and that I need to recharge them soon. I seem to have crossed the line of final exhaustion. But there are still 8 exams to go and no holiday until the 16th of August. If you happen to have a good insider tip to recharge my batteries, please let me know.

WELCOME

I am happy to announce that yesterday at 5.39 pm my little niece Natalie was born in Tübingen.
She is 49 cm and weighs 2690 g.
Congratulations to her parents Mario and Anita
and thanks for making me her godmother!

A sad day for London

Last night at about 7 pm the famous Camden Town market area in London went up in flames

Every time I was in London I spent a considerable time at Camden Town, as this is my favourite place in London. It is good to hang out with friends, to go window shopping and to have a decent dinner.



I draged all of my friends and family to the market when they were around to visit me. I absolutely love this place. So this is also a very sad day for me, because Camden Market will never be the same again.


BBC titled "Blaze shuts famous market area" and when I saw the pictures and videos, I could start crying. The fire brigade described the blaze at the Canal Market in Camden as "very severe" and flames were reported leaping up to 30ft in the air. They are not sure what caused the fire, but fortunately no one was hurt, even though on a Saturday night this area is packed with people.

When I look around my room here in Bamberg, I see quite a few things that I bought at Camden Market or things that remind me of Camden. I don't know what to say actually, but I am really sad. Here are a few pictures that I took during my last visit to London last Summer.
This how I will always remember Camden:

Four weeks to go

I realized today that the final exams are only four more weeks from now. This is quite a frightening thought I have to admit. However, I cannot stop "Father Time" - known to those who read "The Chronicles of Narnia" - and I finally come to the conclusion that even if I had 6 more months to study, I would not be able to get more information in my head.

It seems that everyone around me is getting a bit waspish, even I start barking at my flatmate for doing nothing at all. But surprisingly, everyone else from my study groups have this ridiculous impression, that I know all the answers. I had three "Please Help me, I know nothing at all" calls this afternoon. The funny thing is that when I ask what is wrong, they know more than me! I seem to have this reputation to be a perfect "Dear-Abby type".

There is also one of my lecturers who tries to convince me that I still have enough time to conduct a "Tutorial" next semester - she seems to forget that there are 9 oral exams for the teaching degree and 4 more for my master - telling me again and again, that she believes I would be good at that. Right, I would like to do that, it fills my wallet, but I remember my tutorials - they were rubbish and I guess I will be dissatisfied with myself.

Apart from that - it's "Karneval" in Germany. I have not been out for ages, but I will meet some friends tomorrow to have dinner together. I spent up to 16 hours at my desk studying. I do not know how I am going to survive the next few weeks. I tread myself with good food (I cooked a Curry yesterday with fresh prawns) and if possible I go walking for at least an hour - depending on the weather of course.

So wish me luck that I manage to survive - okay, everyone I know survived this heavy time at the end of their studies, but an educational degree is pure horror - my master is kindergarden work compared to it!

Christmas

I wish you all a

Merry Christmas
and a
Happy New Year!

Back from ... somewhere

Okay, I have been "away" for quite some time. Where have you been, you may ask. Well, I have been nowhere in particular (I wish I had): Bamberg and a few days at my parents.

So, everyone who wanted to see me had to come to Bamberg. And I was fortunate enough and family and friends made their way to the gorgeous city of Bamberg. I am not sure, but I think I never ever posted some pictures.

First of all my brother Mario and my sister-in-law Anita finally visited me in my chosen student-town. It was the first time in 5 years that they made it. I did a guided tour around the city centre and told them all the interesting stories - I am a history student, so I better know the mediveal history of the town!

little Venice (with my university library on the right hand side)

inside the "Alte Hofhaltung" where the Bamberg-King-Murder took place in 1208 and the Catheral (with four towers)

here you can see the other two bell towers

inside Bamberg Cathedral

At the moment Bamberg celecbrates: 1000 years of the Bamberg Diocese (1007-2007)
Therefore there are various exhibitions, light installations (like here in the cathedral) and other events going on around the city.

New Residence

inside the Rose Garden behind the New Residence (with my brother Mario)

Rose Garden

St. Michael Monastery (picture taken from the Rose Garden)

entry to St. Michael's chapel

Bamberg city - I live somewhere close to the yellowish church

Altenburg

Over the next few weeks I had some more visitors: Petra and my friends from "Inspiration" - my choir.

I had not seen Petra for 3 years. First of all she only returned in summer after 12 months in New Zealand and before that she was studying in Hannover - so somehow we had not seen each other for ages. But that did not matter. It was good to have her here and as she is in Nurnberg at the moment to get her Waldorf teaching degree, I hope to see her more often from now on.

My friends from Inspiration had planned a trip to Bamberg for ages and unbelievingly they finally found their way to the RAMA DAMA - the yearly open shopping sunday when all shops open up their storages, so it is a kind of huge car boot sale! That was great, but I fell out of the car that day and had a nasty bruse for 2 weeks!

However, when I was at home one of the weekends in October, we had visitors from Hemsbach: my confirmation godmother and her family. We made a trip to the potash pit in Merkers. It was really great, even though we looked a bit stupid!

This pit is quite famous. During WWII the Nazis brought all their gold and presious picutres and other art from Berlin to the pit to protect them from the bombings and to hide it from the Americans. Of course they finally found it when the war was over. Some of the gold and pictures somehow got lost afterwards...

During the German separation Merkers was part of the GDR. They found this kristal-cave and they were afraid to tell the authorities because they were sure that they would sell it out to get "West-Mark". So they decided to tell no one and the secret was kept until the Berlin Wall came finally down. Now it is one of the major attractions of the pit, because it is the largest kristal-cave in Europe.

the "deepest grafiti" in the world

The next few weeks will be hell - after Christmas. The exams are coming up and as you see from the timetable on the right, it is a tough one: 17 exams in 3 1/2 months! So wish me luck everyone and don't worry, if I do not post as often as I used to be.

Three Weddings and a Funeral

The last few weeks had their ups and downs - but mostly ups. First I had to manage to be in two places at the same time: my grandparents 50th wedding anniversary and my friends Eva&Tobias' wedding.

This day was really exhausting, because we - Eva, Christoph and me - had promised both couples to sing/play at their services. I was able to convince my grandparents that they have their service in the morning, followed by lunch and coffee. Eva and Tobi had their service at half past one, followed by coffee and dinner...delicious!

The service in the morning for my grandparents was really special. As most of you know, my brother is a Catholic priest and therefore he celebrated the service. It was really emotional, because he started is sermon with: "Dear grandad, dear granny!" I had a big lump in my throat, I can tell you, which made it quite hard to sing. We performed "Amazing Grace", "Only You" (Starlight Express), "Ich fühl wie Du" (Tabaluga & Lili), "Arie" (Flute Solo) and "Lean On Me" (Bill Withers). I guess I am already too old to celebrate my 50th wedding anniversary one day :-(

I had barely enough time to eat the soup before I had to leave for the seccond wedding. Fortunately it took me only 15 minutes to get to the other church.
A wedding is always a very special occasion and if there are friends "saying yes" to each other, I become quite "tearful" - I am a crab (cancer) which might explain everything:
Strongest virtues of the Cancer zodiac sign: emotional sensitivity, the urge to nurture, tenacity
Deepest need of the Cancer zodiac sign: a harmonious family life
Weaknesses of the Cancer zodiac sign: over-sensitivity, negative moods
Seems to fit, doesn't it? Even though I don't believe in these things :-)

Our performance at the wedding was a surprise present for Eva and Tobias and I am sure they liked it. As I had only returned 2 weeks before the wedding, the rehearsals were difficult as Eva and I did not know what we could manage in such a short time. I convinced Christoph to join us only two days before the wedding. But as Christoph and I are a experienced duett, we were able to sort something out and Eva's flute solos was just great.

They celebrated in a tent at Eva's parents, which was fabulous, as it was sunny and warm that day - quite exceptional for this summer in Germany! It was a great day and everything went absolutely smooth. I wish both couples all the best for their future- so in 2057 we celebrate another 50th wedding anniversary???

Two weeks ago my great cousin Sandra got married near Heidelberg. Her mum was at my grandparents' anniversary and asked me to sing at Sandra's and Markus's wedding. Of course I said yes, even though I had to cope with some problems. As I had spent the weeks before the wedding at Mario's and Anita's in Stuttgart, I had to find a way to get to their place on Saturday morning. In the end I found a train that took only 2 hours and I only had to change once, which was quite comfy. Unfortunately my wedding choir (chorus individudel) had to sing at another wedding and therefore I had no equipment apart from my microphone. My dad was able to borrow the school's electronic amplifier. It was a bit tricky to get this thing to work the way I wanted, but I managed in the end. Eva and Christoph of course were not able to come - it is way to far! - and so I had to improvise quite a bit. Therefore I only performed "Lean On Me", which I really like best anyway. Sandra and Markus had also organised another singer and were therefore quite surprised when I started to sing - only Sandra's mum, the priest and the other singer knew!

I hope they liked it as well and I wish them all the best! And the location at a wine yard was absolutely fabulous and the food ... without words ... mmmhhhh!


After these very happy events, I also had to attend a funeral of a good friend of the family last week. We were quite shocked when the letter with the news arrived and as my father does not get leave from school, I went with my mum to Hannover by train. This was a very sad business, even though after a short very serious illness it was good that it did not take too long, as there was no hope of recovery. Anyway, I hate funeral, because I cannot stand to see beloved people crying - then I have to cry as well.

Anyway, apart from that I settled back in at uni - even though courses have not started yet. I prepare for my exams, I go to my choir every now and then to relax a bit and I spent a lot of time with my family. There is a sunny weekend ahead and I am looking forward to it as I spent the last 3 days working at the library magazine - which has no windows!!! I need SUNSHINE!

Leaving party

No, this time it is not me who is leaving Germany for a year. Hey, I just came back and I will be grounded in Bamberg for at least another year. Okay I admit, I envy Steffi a lot. She left Bamberg to do her Master in Waterloo, Canada.

So friends of her decided to have a nice last evening with her and this took place on the 21st of August, as she was about to leave a few days later. Just guess, we were very creative: Raclette and Cocktails of course at my place.

But of course we also had to celebrate the degrees of Steffi and Ulrike and therefore we started or at least tried to start with a nice bottle of sparkling wine. It took some time until we were able to open it, but I can tell you that 2l of sparkling wine divivded by 5 leaves quite a lot for everyone. Especially I become quite tipsy when I drink this sort of stuff.

Our Raclette, of course, was delicious: new small potatoes, shrimps, turkey, ham, salami, curchettes, sweetcorn, pepers, tomatoes, morzarella and other cheese, baguette, onions, tomatoe sauce, fresh mushrooms, pineapples,...
So you see we definitely did not starve that night. And of course there was a desert afterwards as well: pears with chocolate sauce and vienetta vanilla icecream! Oh my god, I don't think I felt that full for a very long time.

And this is us later on with our delicious cocktails:
Silke, Jasmin, Ulrike, Nadja and Steffi

Well, we had a great night, äh and morning!

We wish you, Steffi, all the best for your year abroad and we will miss you lots!

Don't forget those left behind and at least I envy you for going abroad. Right, I should not complain, I only returned 8 weeks ago, but still, it is just great to live abroad!

Oh, this is by the way Steffi with my new flatmate: Shona Sheep!

One of these days....

I guess we all have "bad" days, but somehow it seems to me that since I am back from the UK I had "bad" days only. No, I am not kidding!

It seems that I am a bit unbalanced at the moment and better be left alone. No matter what I do, I always seem to do it wrong. Today is definitely "one of these days" as I seem to be snippy with everyone (that is at least what my mother says) who crosses my way. I feel it coming myself, but I am unable to help it. So in the end I say things I regret later on no matter if I was talking to my family, friends or even the guy at the cashier!

I don't want to say I am unstable, but definitely as I already said, unbalanced. Maybe there are too many things going on - like the 50th wedding anniversary of my grandparents and everything related to that, the wedding of very good friend on the coming Saturday, Inspiration (my choir), obviously university related matters (I still do not have any results as one of the professors has not read my thesis yet, even though he was supposed to hand in his reference by the 1st of July!) and.... just beeing back is more than I can cope with.

Somehow I realized that I have definitely come to a point where living at my parents - even though only for a week and a half in a row - is not an option anymore. I love them, mind you, but I have become, if this is possible, even more independent over the last 4 months. As I have problems with my diet anyway, I seem to be arguing with my mum quite often, so I decided to take over cooking for the whole family, so at least I can do the things like they are best for my stomach, which is also a bit unsettled since I am back. I don't want to complain, but I get the feeling that I do not really fit in, no matter if I am at uni or at my parents. Maybe I should not have gone back to the UK, but I had hoped that this would put me back at ease somehow.

So at the moment I spend most of my time in my room to make sure that I do not upset my family too much with my, I admit, rude remarks - somehow everything seems to annoy me "these days" and I regret a lot of things I said lately. This also involves friends and someone I really like (but unable to show) and I even think about giving up the thing I like most (and in former times seemed to get me balanced again), so I cannot hurt him and the others.

Well, I just hope that "one of these days" does not become a regular habbit and that as soon as I manage to settle down and fit in again, I can spend time with the people I like.

A big hug to everyone and I apologize for this "serious" post
Nadja

Something to divert me from having missed my deadline again....

We had a very enjoyable evening yesterday, even though it kept me from finishing my thesis. But it was definitely worth it. It included a lot of work, as you will see, it cost me a whole day and I felt so stuffed afterwards, that I could hardly sleep.

In Germany there is a TV show called

As my flatmate is a great fan of it, Jasmin and me decided to give her a voucher for "The Perfect Dinner" for her birthday. She was allowed to invite two more friends and of course we did not tell her what the dinner would consist of. So last night was THE day and to stop her from sneaking, she had to leave our flat by 2pm and was not allowed to return till half past six.

And this is what we managed to do:


1. The decoration
As our living room has red and fawn wallpaper, we descided to use these colour on the table, too. Looks good, doesn't it??? I especially like the servicing, which took Jasmin to fold only one minute each - don't even ask how long it took me to do only ONE!


















2. The starter
To great the guests I allowed some of my precious "Archers" (a peach liquor from England, that you unfortunately cannot buy in Germany :-( )stock to be served - with lemon and ice of course.

Now for the food. We served "Lamb's salad with an orange juice dressing and Parmesan cheese and Puff Pastry snails filled with cream cheese and ham". That was absolutely delicious (at least we think so...) and it looked quite fancy as well!

3. The main course
As they are all very fond of cocktails, including myself, I mixed some nice things, but do not ask me what exactly I mixed, I only know there was some wodka, gin, rum, baccardi and various fruit juices involved.

Some of you know that I am very fond of Asian cooking and so we decided to experiment a bit, combining various recipes and just wait to see what happens.

I bought some chicken breast the day before and marinated it with joghurt, masala, garlic, salt, peper, curry and tomato puree. I left this overnight in the fridge. This is the traditional way of making a Chicken Tikka (but I left out the food colouring!), which is definitely my favourite Indian dish.
So yesterday evening I fried onions, fresh garlic and ginger and hot chilies in a pan, added the meat and left it to simmer for 10 minutes. Then I topped it up with coconut milk (which I took from a Balinese recipe), added some fresh herbs and spices and left it for another 10 minutes. Before I put it on the table I added some lemon juice, which gives the dish the perfect final touch. Et voilà:

"Balinese Chicken Tikka with Curry Rice and Naan Bread"

4. The desert
Together with a nice "Tia Maria on Ice" we presented a "White Chocolate Cream with Blueberries"

(without words)

Decission Made

Well, after a few sleepless nights I made my decission: RMS.

I guess most of you knew already, but I thought it was time to write a new post. There were various reasons why I took this option. One of the main reasons was "money". Nambia would have been great and those who know me are right to think that I do not turn this offer down without some regret. But when I travel this far, I want to see the country and visit places, but with all the money I would have had to spend on the flights, immunications, visa and paying rent and so on, there would have been nothing left for travelling. What a pity, you all know how adventurous I am! I did not want to ask my parents for more money. They have to support me with 500 Euros every month anyway and the flat in Bamberg has to be paid as well during my absence (my landlord does not accept an "intern" in my flat while I am away). And I don't wanted to spend my last savings, I have to move again in a year and for working in a school I have to do some serious clothes shopping - well, I have to look "decent" and I fear my little Shani is not going to last much longer and I cannot afford a new car! So there was only one reasonable option: RMS.

Jess is right, it is never going to be the same as in 2001/2002, but I know this already, as I went back for another workplacement in 2003. I know I enjoyed my time there, because of the people around me. But Dana is already planning to visit (and I am looking forward to it) and maybe we can convince Amandine to come as well, to have a litte reunion. I am not longer a GAP assistant, I guess now I have to do some serious work. In my letter of invitation it said something like: "We are all looking forward to your visit very much indeed. Your contribution to life at RMS was valued by many staff during your stay in 2002, and staff who remember you are looking forward to working with you again. We hope to involve you wiht the following departements: Modern Languages, English, History, Classics and the Preparatory Departement, as well as offering you the chance to accompany interesting trips, and work with the girls in the pastoral capacity." Sounds as if I left some "mark"!

Does anyone remember which flat is Nr. 3 in the Prep.Dept.? This is the one I am going to get. I know, I had a flat in there for half a year, but please don't ask me what number it had.
On the picture below the Preparatory Departement is in the half circle the one on the far right. I am looking forward to go back, I feel a bit homesick for London and I want to see Daniel Ratcliffe naked in "Equus"! I hope all of those who said they would visit, will really do so. I might be able to "smuggle" some of them into my flat, so they don't have to pay for accomodation!

Difficult Decissions

The last few days I have done some heavy thinking and I have not come to a conclusion yet. My current state might be best described as "dizzy" or something the like.

As most of you might know, I am planning to go abroad again in April or May for another 3 months. Therefore I applied to various schools throughout the world - yes, throughout the world. Now I have two definite offers and both are tempting, even though in very different ways.

1st option: NAMIBIA
A few weeks back I watched a documentary on TV about Namibia (Africa, right next to South Africa and Botswana I think). The countryside looked stunning and I thought: Hey, why not go to Namibia - English and German are the official languages there! I could work as a Language Assistant. So I used the g-force (google) and found the school which had been mentioned in the documentary. I wrote a mail and they told me that they could not offer me an internship as they had already all interns they needed. But they gave me addresses of other schools in Namibia and South Africa. I wrote mails again and was surprised to get a reply: Namib High School in Swakopmund got back to me straight away and offered me an internship as Language Assistant from May to August (winter term).

I was so happy and started planning. How do I get a visa? What injections (malaria,...) do I need? How much will the flight be? Is the university here going to accept this placement, so that I do not have to pay the fees for this semester? What is going to happen to my room in Bamberg? Where am I going to live in Swakopmund? And so on.

Last week I got their letter of invitation - which is actually full of spelling and other mistakes, so I don't know what the university and the embassy is going to say. I also had an appointment with my doctor about the health risk. But I get back to this later.


2nd option: back to RMS (Royal Masonic School) where I spent my GAP year in 2001
As problems with Namibia were coming up, I decided to follow not just one paths, but two. And of course I was thinking about RMS, which I still hold in high regards (well, you know what I mean ;-)) I did not think, it would work, but on Friday night I got a mail from Kathryn Batty (she is the new GAP coordinator at RMS) and she told me that they could offer me a placement (Trinity term 23rd of April to 12th of July) and she was waiting for my reply. GREAT!

AND THIS IS WHERE THE TROUBLE STARTS!!!!!

You know that feeling when you deep in your heart wish that something is not going to work out somehow, so that you do not have to take the decission yourself? This is how I feel at the moment. First I wanted to make a pros and cons list, but I knew instinctively which option would win and would have more pros on its side.

There are a few points to consider, however:

• The flight to Namibia will cost me between 800 and 1000 Euros, so nearly all of my savings would be gone.
• At the end of July a good friend of mine is going to get married and she already blackmailed me: "We gave you warning of this event early enough, so don't tell me you won't be in the country!"
  
• My grandparents have their 50th wedding anniversary at the last weekend of July.
• I have to hand in my thesis by the 1st of April, the result will be out on the 1st of July, I have to get it "transformed" for my second degree by the 5th of August, which is the last day to register for my final exams - so I better should be in Bamberg.
• RMS is going to pay pocket money (I guess GAP salary or less) and offer food and accomodation of course.
• Namibia will provide accomodation and pay a bit of pocket money.
• My flat in Bamberg has to be paid for no matter where I go.
• I need various "health measures", which will cost me at least another 500 Euros (anti-rabies inoculations, cholera, malaria, meningitis,...) for Nambia.
• The visa will cost me 130 Euros, not included various special documents (clearing certificate, radiology reports,...).
• I already know RMS - Namibia would be a new adventure!
• Nambia might be a one and only chance!
• It is easies to communicate from England, especially considering that I am in the middle of preparing for my final exams!
• A very good friend of mine is also in London from March to June, would be a lot of fun I guess.
  
• ...

Well, you see where this is heading and which option might win. But I would be very grateful if you could comment on this - what would you do? Or what counts more: family - friends - adventure - experience - money....

A good friend of mine said: "For me the only question you have to ask yourself is: does it get you any further (life, personality, studies, experience,...) and if so, which option can give you more back (best pros and cons in balance)?"

SAMHAIN

As you might know, today is SAMHAIN (spoken saoin) - or let's say Halloween for those who do not speak Gaelic!

In Germany we do not really celebrate Samhain, as it has no tradition here, even though you can now also see pumpkins everywhere and people start decorating everything like in America. I find that a bit rediculous, as it has nothing to do with the original and is now only a huge "merchandising thing".

Two years ago I had to honor to celebrate the real "Samhain" at Lough Gur - one of the largest stone circles in Ireland. But first of all, let me tell you a bit about the Irish tradition:

The Celtic tradition is often closely related to the Celts’ religion and their belief in the Otherworld (Tir na n-Óg = Land of Youth). The Otherworld is home to the divine Tuatha Dé Danann ; they ruled what could be called “invisible” regions below the ground and islands beyond the sea. Life in the Otherworld was joyful and most pleasant; it was a world of peace and harmony. They spent most of their time with hunting and feasting, for food and drink never got short there. The Otherworld is also called the Land of the Living (Tír inna mBeo), for sickness and decay are unknown. Sometimes it is referred to as Tír inna mBan (Land of Women), because women were numerous and very beautiful there.
The fairy-woman Niamh described the Otherworld like this:

“It is the most delightful land of all that are under the sun; […] Honey and wine are plentiful there; no wasting will come upon you with the wasting away of time; you will never see death or lessening. You will get feasts, playing and drinking; you will get sweet music on the strings; you will get silver and gold and many jewels […]”

It is said that there were invisible barriers to keep the mortals out of the Otherworld, but stories tell of heroes that entered it by accident or were led there by fairy creatures. It could be reached through a cave, through a lake or e.g. through magical mist. The Tuatha De Dannan, however, could move freely between the two worlds and on the feast of Samhain (31st of October); the boundaries vanished altogether and the sídhs (entrances to the Otherworld) lay open.

Samhain was the greatest of all feasts during the year and was situated exactly half way between Autumn Equinox (21st of September) and Winter Solstice (21st of December). This was a very dangerous time for mortals and they preferred to stay at home, for when the spirits left the Otherworld they often caused chaos through their magic and played tricks on the mortals. Therefore this feast was also called Oíche na Sprideanna (the Tuatha Dé Dannan wander about on this night) or Oíche na haimléise (night of chaos).

Among other things, the Tuatha Dé Dannan were responsible for the growth of the crops; on this night they collected their dues for an extensive harvest. If they were treated in a friendly manner, they would be happy and make sure the people would get a good harvest next year. If they were treated badly, the Tuatha Dé Dannan would curse the land and the crops would fail.

It is obvious how important the Otherworld was for the mortals. Excavations show that the Celts believed in some kind of life after death and that the souls of the dead could still control their bodies in the hither world. Domestic artefacts of all kinds have been found in several graves. The Otherworld therefore was not just the place for the Tuatha Dé Dannan, but also for the dead. Not only humans and gods, but pigs, dogs and swans, to name only a few, were associated with the Otherworld. At supernatural feasts the two worlds would come together.

Sounds familiar? Well, now you know why children (even here in Bamberg) knock on your door and want sweets!


So on Samhain we went to Lough Gur with our Irish Heritage Lecturer Dr. Seán Ó Duinn, an Irish monk. We built a fire and then he told us about the Celtic traditions. We had to walk round the fire three times - anti-clockwise for course - and he spoke an "enchantment" to sooth the Tuatha dé Dannan and thank them for the last year and ask for their protection for the following year.

It was great fun, I can tell you! And it was also a bit spooky, as it was foggy and it all had a kind of mystic aura!

No matter what you are doing today, remember this: