Rollercoaster

The last two days have been an absolute emotional rollercoaster ride. As I already said, I got the news that my new school would be in Munich. I was absolutely crushed, I did/do not want to go to Munich. Yes, it is a great city, but not with a very low income, I am not very fond of sleeping under a bridge.

Anyway, I am not giving up.

Thursday I phoned the school in Munich, but they are not able to help me find accomodation. I also wrote a mail to one of the professors who had offered me a Phd telling him about my "catastrophe". Well, I got a mail back the same evening telling me not to worry too much. He promised to phone the ministry of education first thing the next morning, trying to find out if there is any chance of getting a teaching position in Bamberg - without giving away my name of course. So he did and told me at 10 the next morning that 4 candidates are not taking up their offered postions in Bamberg and that there is a slight chance that I get one of these posts instead of the one in Munich. He told me to write the guy at the ministry a mail confirming my request. However, this mail backfired - well, it was undeliverable, so I guessed wronge e-mail address. So two hours later I phoned the guy. He was really unfriendly, absolutely rude to be honest. Apparently he had received my mail (no idea how) and was now angry that I blocked the lines and the "contribution process" by calling again. He had told the professor that a mail is enough. I apologized and he said, that my request will be considered and that I will get an answer in a few days time.

So at least now there is some hope that I can stay in Bamberg. Two of my friends did get their first choice schools and if I get the post in Bamberg, I will be at the same school as they are. That would be fantastic and the grade of my exam did not play any role in the distribution of "first choice" towns, as I was a lot better than one of them. Well, it doesn't matter, if I get the job in Bamberg.

KEEP YOUR FINGERS CROSSED!

I celebrated my birthday and my exams last night with a few friends - or at least I tried, because there is still the Sword of Damocles hanging over me called Munich! I will blog some pictures of the party as soon as I get them off the camera.

Exam Update #16 (or Master, the THIRD)

Yesterday was the day of my written exam in English and American Literature. I had one question for which I had 4 hours to answer it.

Discuss the functions of Re-writing history in the New Britsh Drama after 1956 with special emphasis on the "Socialist Theatre".

The question was more ore less expected, but still I found it hard to answer, as I had four plays to discuss:

• Edward Bond: Early Morning (1968)
• Caryl Churchill: Light Shining in Buckinhamshire (1976)
• Edward Bond: Summer (1982)
• David Edgar: Pentecost (1994)

In the end I ran out of time, because I had spent too much time on the terminology of what history is, how the genre of History Plays can be defined and what the "socialist theatre" is and on the first 2 plays, so I had about an hour left for Summer and Pentecost and a conclusion. Even though I am not quite sure what the conclusion of my analysis war, as I found only one real function. Anyway, this should be a pass and this is all I need, as the grade is made up of both oral and written exam and I am sure that I know my stuff for the oral one.

The real shock, however, awaited me at home: the letter with the name of my school from September onwards!

I had chosen Bamberg, Kronach and Würzburg and guess where I ended up: MUNICH!

Now I have to find a flat in 3 weeks time as school is starting on the 17th of September which means I need a flat from the 1st of September.

Great.

Don't mention that Munich is the most expensive city in Germany, don't mention that it is more than difficult to find an affordable flat in that area at all (20 qm² for 500€ +), don't mention that I have only a 800€ salary, don't mention that I will then live more than 400km from my family, friends, choir and the like, don't mention that I wanted to go on holidays which I can cancel, if I do not find a flat next week....

Exam Update #15 (or Master, the SECOND)

The more exams I sit or "talk my way through", the more I arrive at the conclusion that exams are neither predictable nor is the grade one receives really showing how well prepared you were for it!

English Linguistics is not my favourite subject, as you might know. Too many technical terms and hardly any room for discussion or interpretation - compared to Literature at least and even in some respect also to History.

I was not really that well prepared:
one, I had this stupid exam on Wednesday which I did not really manage to get out of my head on Thursday, as I was still fuming;
two, I find it hard to study for it, a lot of information and technical terms and hardly any time since my last teaching degree exam to prepare for it;
three, I was afraid of the professor (female), because she has such profound knowledge;
four, I don't like the subject!

However, this was the best exam I ever had - especially atmosphere-wise. The two ladies were really nice, they asked tough questions (give your opinion about this linguistic problem) and even controversial ones, but they remained in good humour, even when I had no clue what they were getting at and started to blabber and to throw random technical terms without any real connection. Still, it was, well, nice. Okay, I have to admit this was also due to the fact that they had examined me 20 min about the only topic (out of three) which I really knew: Language Policies in Ireland - Past to Present.

In the end there were only 10 min left for my other two topics: Morphology and Pragmatics (Speech Act Theory). Good for me, because she had no time to ask really more than just a few definitions and examples.

At least now I made up for the exam on Wednesday - if someone had asked me in advance how the exams would go, I would have told him the results the other way round, as I was a lot more confident in my History exam!

Anyway, the best thing however is, that now I know that the final grade, even with a D in my major (written and oral Literature exams make up one grade for the final calculation) will be better than my Teaching Degree and that is all that I wanted!!!! So, goal achieved, I would say...

:-)

Exam Update #14 (or Master, the FIRST)

Well, things are going from bad to worse, hopefully not to "the worst".

Today, the day of my first Master Exam was a strange one. I don't know why I studied for this exam at all and why I had to hand in a paper with my "two topics."

My topics were "The European Treaty System between 1871 and 1890" and "Youth and Education in the Third Reich". These were topics I had already prepared for other exams, so I was confident.

However, we left out the first topic and talked instead about "Habermas's Public-Theory" and the "EU-Treaty" and the role of Ireland. GREAT! Why did I study at all? I had hardly anything to say about this topic, as I am especially in the case of Habermas no student of communication and publication studies. Not really fair I would say, as I did not even got the chance to talk about "Bismarck", "treaties", Russia or Berlin Kongress! The first 15 minutes had nothing to do with my topics. If this had been a written exam and I had talked about "HIS" topics, I would have been a complete disaster and I would have failed completely!

No matter, at least the next 15 min he talked about Hitler and his education policies - HE talked and I had to step in, because he likes it to talk on end.

The final grade is alright, but FAIR is definitely something different...

This is not my week...

... or so it seems!

Okay, not all of this week was disappointing. I already told you about my PhD. There are some new developments:

• my grade is rounded down to 2,0 - which means that I fit the criteria
• there are two professors who are willing to take me on as a PhD student: my English Literature professor and my History Didactics professor
• the main problem, however, remains: financing another three years of study
• there are no PhD posts that are paid for social or language studies students - unfortunatley I have the wrong subjects - science or business students have quite better options
• scholarships are available, but I have to compete with all subjects, all degrees from all over Germany - it is an open secret that in some subjects a 2,0 is already a very "low" grade, which is completely the other way round for my degree in Bavaria, I am way above average! And: who supports a social studies or language students, there is no profit in such a student for business companies or research orientated companies!
  
• unfortunately the only thing my two professors can offer is that they support a scholarship application - which means I have to bridge financially at least half a year, of course without knowing that I will get a scholarship (my parents are not happy, I can tell you, as they are not able to support me any longer!)
• conclusion: FRUSTRATING

Today another one of my options was cut short: New Zealand

• I applied for a post as language assistent in New Zealand a few months back and only 2 weeks ago I was told that I managed the first round, which means that my application was sent by the German authorities to New Zealand and now they have to decide if they want to have me
• the problem from the beginning was that no one in Munich (home to my federal state authority for teachers) was able to tell me if the two years of teacher training which follow my academic degree can be combined with this language assistent post
• so far the only thing I knew was: This language assistent job might reduce my two years of teacher training by one year (great!), but I can only apply for a reduction three months after I started my job at the school in Germany (which is in September, so I cannot apply before December) and there is no guarantee that the commitee allows a reduction (still okay)
• also no one was able to tell me whether I am allowed to start my teaching post at all and whether I am allowed to adjourn my two years of practical teaching
• today I got an e-mail telling me that they recommend to complete a teaching assistent post BEFORE I start my practicals - well, and what do I do instead? Twiddle my thumbs?
  
• How do I finance half a year before the school year in New Zealand starts in February? Especially as the posts are not distributed until November - which might result in the fact that I bridge half a year and then I do not get a job and so six months were absolutely wasted???
• conclustion: FRUSTRATING

Anything positive this week? It is hard to find something positive among all these developments. I don't know, everything I started or worked for over the last few months (even years) seems to become useless in the end - mostly because of bureaucratic nonsense. I was told that a language post before my practicals would of course be more useful, especially for my language competence. Hey, I have already spent a year as Gap-assitent in London, 2 semesters at Limerick University and last summer I spent another 4 months teaching at RMS - I think I have spent more time abroad than 95% of my collegues here at university who finished their degree with me....

Don't ask me, I am a bit depressed and frustrated. I hope that my exams which start next Thursday will be alright - nothing to look forward to, but something to do where positive results are at least possible!!!

Dreams

Last night in the end I forced myself to open the letter. What can I say, I am surprised and really disappointed at the same time.

Surprised, because my grades in English were better than expected, really disappointed, because my history grades seem not really fair. I studied for my history exams (see exam update 4 and 5) for more than 6 months and in the end it was worth nothing, I could have get the same grades without doing anything at all in preparation. This is frustrating.

The worst thing, however, is something different. It is still a good grade all in all, but I missed the target that I needed for a Phd by 0,04 points! This is ridiculous! All because of the written history exams, because my oral exams in that subject could not have been any better. This is just not fair, what are 0,04 points in comparison to 13 exams?????

I am not sure if my exam-celebration at the beginning of August is taking place, because at the moment I do not feel like celebrating. And I find it even worse to motivate myself for my master exams, because unfortunately History Didactics is not a subject of my master degree and therefore it becomes a bit "useless" to go on with it as well. Furthermore, now after this option is gone, I feel even more certain that I do not want to end up in school in September!

This is it...

... the day my letter - THE LETTER - arrived. I did not expect to find the letter with my exam results in my letterbox today, as most of my friends who finished their exams more than a week earlier than me had not received theirs yet.

However, there was an insignificant looking letter with the unmistakeable "Bayerisches Staatsministerium für Unterricht und Kultus und Bayerisches Staatsministerium für Wissenschaft, Forschung und Kunst in München" postmark on it. I was not able to convince myself to open it yet. I am a bit afraid, to be honest.

I know what you are thinking, why should I! Well, I know how some of my friends finished their exams. Some were really good and I know I cannot compete with them. So I am afraid to be disappointed. However, I did others expect to do better, so I am also afraid that my results are even worse. This IS a Catch-22, I would say, because I am an extremely nosy person. I studied for these exams for months on end and to see the results in big Black and White Writing - I am not sure if I really want to see it written down. Especially as I am not so sure about some of the exams, as I related in my exam updates 1 to 5!

Fortunately I was faster than my parents, so no one in the house knows that the letter has arrived and so no one can force me to open the letter. I will let you know - maybe tonight - when I was too curious to find out the results to wait any longer!

Exam Update #13

VENI, VIDI, VICI... (Caesar)

I feel empty, or better, I do not feel anything at all. Don't ask me, I guess it will take some time until I realize that it is finally over!

I was not great today, but I guess because I was the last person he examined in 4 months of teaching degree exams, he was generous. I do not like "Ancient History", I find Romans and Greeks really boring - I like to go on holidays to their countries, but that is it!

But that does not matter anymore, now I pay my parents a visit and I am going to celebrate my birthday at home. My brother, sister-in-law and Natalie of course will also be in the Rhön and next week we will celebrate our exams. So a lot of things going on - and at the moment I am confident that I can postbone the next study session for the exams in July at least for a few days!

Exam Update #12

It's seems the days are getting better and better, and so do the exams.

History Didactics is a subject I never really studied, which was due to the lack of seminars with a competent lecturer or a competent person in that field at all. The professor used to have his seminars on a bench outside the library and this is true: no seminar when it's raining!!!! So I don't really know anything about teaching history in school.

My topics today were "Pictures in the history classroom" and "Memorial Didactics". It was interesting to read about the topics and I had the feeling that I really learn something I will need in the classroom.

The exam was absolutely relaxed, we laughed in between. However, the exam was extremely demanding and his questions were tough. Still, I never felt uncomfy. I was surprised when he told me afterwards that I possess "natural authority" and they expect me to be a good teacher with the ability to "grip" the students. I was a bit flattered, but happy.

But this was not all, because then he asked me if I ever considered a PHD in history didactics, he would be happy to surport me. As I have English as my second, I should give a thought about a bilingual-history-project. He told me to finish my exams, have a good bottle of wine and then think about it in a relaxed atmosphere!

... so we will see!

Exam Update #11

I don't really know what to write, a new day - a new exam. Exams and days seem to repeat themselves and I lose track of time.

Early Modern History is not really the "period" I like, but the examiner was encouragingly friendly and his questions were, well... a bit strange at the start. I started with the "Reformation in Germany" and then he went on and on and on about Humanism: What is Humanism? What does it say about the individual? What does Luther think about humanism? Where is the difference in the perception of the individual?...

Don't ask me, I was a bit blank, but fortunately I was able to show with my second topic "30-year-War" that I have profound knowledge of this period. In the end they had to stop me, as I was adding too many details. So in the end the examiners were happy, I was happy. What else could I wish for?

Now I am already studying for my next exam on Wednesday: Didactics!

Exam Update #10

Well, I am back ... back to the exam routine!

And here they are, my last 4 exams of my teaching degree. History has never really been "my" subject, but I always liked it very much. Okay, I am not too confident about my knowledge, especially my knowledge of Bavarian History. I was not born in Bavaria, I was not taught Bavarian history at school, but I have to survive an oral exam.

Okay, you can choose your topics in advance, but you never really know. I chose "Henry II. and the founding of the diocese Bamberg" and "The older clan-duchy of Bavaria and Tassilo III." I guess most of you have never heard about any of this. Believe me, I had no idea who Tassilo was I started studying last week.

The exam was alright and the atmosphere was really relaxed. Well, my examiner was a bit tired and tried not to yawn too offensively. It's great to be told that I have a good straightforward way to answer questions. So I am on the right track and they wished me luck for the rest of the exams.

So next Monday is the next day of doom: Early Modern History with the topics - "The 30-year-war" and "The Reformation".

New week, new chance - and only three more to gooooooooooooooooooo!

Exam Update #9

Friday was the day of my last English Exam:

Language Competence and Cultural Knowledge

This exam was great. Nice atmosphere, good questions and topics which were great to talk about. Therefore it was an easy exam compared to the one last Monday and I like my lecturer who is a real North-England-Guy with a good sense of humour and when you talk about stereotypes of the British Way of Life, we had a lot to laugh about. In the end it did not even take a minute for the two examiners to decide on my grade: both language competence and cultural knowledge - 1.

Consequently I was really happy. However, I would have been very disappointed if the exam had had another result, as this is the one and only exam I can really show what I know about the country. Okay, I was struggling with the question about the difference between the Church of England and the Church of Scotland, but I was able to improvise.

So now I have a three week break before my History exams. I already started today with my preparations for these exams. I guess the English exams were the easier ones, but I will see.

Exam Update #8

THANK YOU, LANGUAGE COMPETENCE!

Five minutes ago I left the office of Mrs Isolde Schmidt, my lecturer in English Didactics. I do not want to say that I "hate" her, no, but this exam was like sitting on a hot-seat and I have to admit, is was not very comfortable. Can you say that a question is "spongy"???? I don't think so, but you never really know what she is getting at. All the others had questions which were on our scripts, so you knew what to answer, but in my exam she never ever asked about things like "selection criteria for vocabulary", "Krashen's Monitor-Hypothesis", "Mnemonics" or "steps of a good grammar lesson". So it was mostly guesswork on my part.

I guess I am also subject to the "chain effect" of exams, in a positive sense, as my friend left the exam right before me with a D - so even though my knowledge was limited, it probably "seemed" better. In the end the only thing that really saved me was my language competence, my fluency and good pronunciation - she did not correct my mistakes, which she did frequently with others - and my ability to "babble" away. So when I got the grade in the end, I was told that knowledgewise it was a C, but due to my language aptitude and competence they decided to give me a B. More than satisfying, I must say!

So the last of my English exams will take place on Friday: Cultural Knowledge (Transport and Public Schools in the UK - what a surprise!) and Language Competence (so not to worry about, I should think!)

And then ... Concert on Saturday, Natalie's Baptising on Monday and 3 weeks without exams ... oh what a joy! Oh, and we will start the barbecue season Friday night to celebrate the end of the first round of oral exams!

Exam Update #7

New week - new chance!

Exam today: English and American Literature

Yippy, I can do it! Even though right before the exam I thought that my mind had gone blank. But the questions were alright and and I was able to answer them - or at least I think the answers were not too far off from the mark. It is strange, however, to know that in 3 months time I will have the same exam again (for my Master), but that time it will last an hour and not just 30 min.

But now it's didactics and the next exam will be on the 5th. Now I am looking forward to the jubliee-concert of my choir on Saturday and will utterly enjoy it!

Exam Update #6

Right, yesterday my oral exams started with "Language Acquisition". It went alright, but still I am disappointed because I knew the answers, but I just did not understand what he was getting at. I knew the vocabulary, I read well and then got stuck with the grammar. We are always told that you have to explain the grammar so that a student is able to understand it. I did and when he went on and on and on, he in the end told me that he wanted to hear the technical terms that are used in the Quirk/Greenbaum grammar, which is used in linguistics and NOT in the classroom. I know that terminology, it became my second nature during my study for the written exams, so I am really disappointed. I could have done better.

Anyway, next week, next chance.

One week to go...

I intended to write this post already last night, but somehow I got stuck with "The Great Gatsby" and in the end I switched off the light at half past one. Anyway, next week the oral exams start and I am not sure what to think about them. I find it quite hard to work for them, I seem to lack motivation.

I spent the Easter holidays at my parent's and at my brother's house, as I wanted to see Natalie. Unfortunately I also spent a week and a half in bed with a bad cold. No wonder that after the whole written exams affair my body longed for a "decent" break. Shanie (my car) was also ill - he lost his exhaust pipe. But I had a good time nevertheless.

Now I try to prepare for my oral exams. I come to the conclusion that I hate "Mrs Dalloway" and "The Scarlett Letter", I also hate "Wordsworth's Preface to Lyrical Ballads"! I just hope I am not asked any questions on these three books - out of 15 on my general reading list. For my literature exam I also have two main topics: "Master Detectives - Master Criminals: Poe, Doyle, Chesterton and Christie" and "Alternative History Plays: Howard Brenton, Caryl Churchill, Edward Bond and T.S. Eliot"

But my first exam next week is "Language Accquisition", which means I have to read out loud a few lines of an unknown text, then they will definitely ask me the 5 vocabulary items I have no clue about what they mean and then they will ask me grammar questions, like: Okay, this is taken from a student's exam paper. Where is the mistake and how do you explain the student what is wrong and how to improve next time.

I will let you know how things go. At the moment I try to get through Macbeth, which is nice enough, but I HATE SHAKESPEARE!

Exam Update 5#

No comment. I did not sleep at all last night, I had a temperature and so you can imagine how I felt this morining. Surprisingly I did not drop with my head on the table during the exam, but I don't even want to know what rubbish I put on the paper.

Again I had no real choice and was left with: The industrial revolution in Bavaria: technical evolution, machine hotspurs and traditional agricultural state.

Great, I know as I had no knowledge about this Bavarian bit of the question, I was left with my general knowledge of the industrial revolution. I invented a few things and i just hope that I scratched a pass.

Well, I am glad it is over and in the end the results have nothing whatsoever to do with my real knowledge. I guess I just have to live with it and that's it. So now I am looking forward to the Easter break when I finally meet my godchild face-to-face and then I start studying for the oral exams. Jippy!

Have a good weekend. It is so great that now I am allowed to do whatever I want without having a voice in my head telling me: "you should study, not waste your time with...."

Exam Update 4#

It seems that these exams are becoming more and more a Russian Roulette. When I opened up my exam paper today, I was close to laughing out loud - and I was not amused! I have studied really hard over the last 6 months and in the end I had to choose a question I would never have dreamt of, but I had no other choice.

I can only remember the first 4 questions, because they were from the period I had prepared for:

1. Chlodwig I.
2. The "karolingian" Renaissance
3. The imperial politics towards Poland, Bohemia, Hungary and Denmark from Otto I. till the beginning of the Investiture Conflict
4. The impact of the crusades-movement

So I had to consider which question to answer:
- Question 1: max. half a page
- Question 2: 2 pages?
- Question 3: okay, I know enough but this question means suicide - 6 KINGS to consider!!!
- Question 4: maybe a few pages, but I don't know any of the theories behind the movement, I am not too keen on theological discussions

In the end I had to answer question 3, which I did not like much, but as I had no choice... It definitely WAS suicide. I wrote 24 pages and I am sure I "invented" a few things and mixed up names and dates and forgot some things - no wonder when one has to go through 5 kingships (not to mention that this meant half of all I learnt) and all did "the same" and ...

Okay, I stop complaining now. What did I expect? We are of the opinion that the professor who submitted this questions tried to make it as complicated and complex as possible so that no one answers it - sorry mate, we had no choice :-)

So, let's see what we can do on Friday and then, at least the written exams are done!

Exam Update 3#

Exam today: English Linguistics (Modern English)

This exam went surprisingly well - not too well - but better than I had ever hoped. Last night I had this funny feeling that everything I had tried to get into my head had somehow vanished.

Fortunately they did not ask us to explain any theories and I was able to write at least something on every question. Some of the questions were strange and more of the "bla, bla, bla" kind. The text we had to analyse was from a blog about the Live Earth Concert in London last spring.

LIVE EARTH LONDON

I just found the text on the net, so you get an idea what we had to deal with. Here the questions:

1. Transcribition: "Announced amongst great fanfare at a celeb-studded press conference last week, it turns out that the Live Earth concerts – set to imitate Live 8 with a worldwide set of simultaneous gigs, this time to raise awareness of global warming – don’t even have a licence or venue confirmed in London yet."
   
2. Give a syntactic analysis (form and function) of the following sentence. Comment on all problems: "Following hot on the heels of the admission that Wembley might not even be ready for this year’s FA Cup Final, it looks like a further lack of foresight might put paid to another landmark London event this summer."
3. Give a syntactic and morphologic analysis of the following noun phrases: the door of former US presidential hopeful; hundreds of steroid-enhanced superhumnans, boasting sub-40 bpm resting pulse rates, speeding past, astride gleaming racers with funny handlebars; more ‘sustainable’ line-up
4. Make a list of 6 words in the text which are examples for conversion (noun to verb or verb to noun) and comment on the semantic relation between basis and deduction.
5. Find 8 examples of conjuction and adverbials which make the text cohesive and explain how these transport the opinion of the author.
6. Analyse the interrogative sentences in lines 23-25 and line 31 according to the speach-act-theory.
7. Comment on extraordinary lexical and grammatical features and then say what kind of "style" the text has.

As I said, most of the questions were of the "bla, bla, bla" kind, but the sentence analysis was absolutely dreadful, it took ages and I don't think I got it right. But that does not matter, I definitely passed and that is just great. However, my hand is hurting badly, I wrote 24 pages, I never ever thought that this exam would take up that many pages....

So now I have come to the end of my first exam week. It was exhausting and I am not looking forward to next Wednesday when the History exams start. But the best of it is that now I can start to get rid of some of the huge folders - no more linguistics - NEVER EVER! Okay, don't mention the Master Exam which involves linguistic again, but that is an oral exam, so not too bad.

Have a good weekend you all!

Exam Update 2#

Exam today: Translation English - German (without any dictionary!)

Today's exam was not too extraordinary, as I did not have much hope to pass with a good grade anyway. I always only managed a narrow pass in these exams in all my courses. So today was no exception I guess. A few words I had never heard of: promulgate, requisite, Contageous Disease Act of the 1860s, heavy scrutiny, ....

I managed to translate them all - mostly guesswork of course, but I am sure I did not get the exact German expression and some translation attempts are utter nonsense. However, it is at least possible that I managed a pass, which is more than I hoped for.

By the way, the topic was: The crisis of the body concept during the Victorian period - an excerpt from a book on Victorian literature.

So, let's move on to English linguistics which I dread most of all, as I do have some problems with linguistic theory (semantic sign concepts, pragmatics (deixis) and historical linguistic) and I am not sure whether I am able to analyse the given sentence in the correct way according to Quirk and Greenbaum - not to mention transcribtion which is like Russian Roulette!