Long time - no see
Oh well, what can I say to defend myself? I guess nothing suitable.
So it has been some time since my last post. To be honest, there were not too many things going on, but I had my hands in a full workload. New pupils, new collegues, new school, new books, new stuff to teach...
I cannot really tell you, how I feel, because my moodchanges even get on my own nerves. At the moment I feel like a hamster in a treadmill, always a step behind with everything: my work, my family, my friends. I function, but I am not really happy. Sometimes I wonder if I have chosen the right job. Mind you, I love teaching, but I am not sure if I can meet the expectations everyone seems to have. I have high claims for myself that I try to meet and people around me (collegues, family, friends) all seem to demand more than I can give. Unfortuntely my rotten time-management makes everything worse. Furthermore some of my students are, ehm..., "pubertal".
I don't want to whinge, but it does not help when friends tell me that teachers have more holidays than anyone else, teachers have only a half-time job and get home at 2pm, teachers have nothing to do... They do not see that I come home at 5, have a break till 6 and then spend the rest of the evening (usually till 12) at my desk preparing classes or marking various pieces of work. Same goes for at least half of the weekend, sometimes more if there is marking to do. Right, at the moment I need way too much time to prepare a single class because I do not have any resources I can rely on and I admit that there are periods in history of which I have hardly any knowledge, so I have to read a lot. And don't talk about payment, at the moment I earn less than 1,000 Euro for a 75 hour week!
I just hope it gets better over the months and that I get some routine to manage workload, free time and friends/family in a way that the treadmill runs smoother and slower! I am working on it. So it has nothing to do with YOU if you do not hear anything from me, at least not personally. I avoid my computer as good as I can if I do not have to work.
But there are also things which are positive at the moment. I have the opportunity to spend time with my friends - well, I live with them again :-) I also see my godchild more regularly as I am always at home when they visit my parents. I plan my summer holidays (some change of scene might help), I expect to meet some friends over the holidays (yes, I do have holidays over Easter), I hope I get to know a bit better how my students "tick" as we say in German. But there has also been a shock two weeks ago when my great-aunt was killed in a car-crash.
I spent the last three days with my collegues of the FLG at Schney Castle where we had a psychology and pedagogy training with our tutors. It felt so good that the others who started their teaching career with me seem to have the same kind of problems. My students are lambs compared to some of collegues' students! My school, even though the equipment (OHP, laptop, beamer, etc.) is from the last century, is a good one and not a bad place to start. Still I think about other options, e.g. starting my PhD next year or going abroad again. We will see. I will definitely survive these two year of training and then we will see what happens!
Even though sometimes everything seems black, there is always some white. I think positive, but I long for some free time without my conscience bothering me all the time.
Hope you are all well and I hope I can post more regulary - I work on my time management!
I cannot really tell you, how I feel, because my moodchanges even get on my own nerves. At the moment I feel like a hamster in a treadmill, always a step behind with everything: my work, my family, my friends. I function, but I am not really happy. Sometimes I wonder if I have chosen the right job. Mind you, I love teaching, but I am not sure if I can meet the expectations everyone seems to have. I have high claims for myself that I try to meet and people around me (collegues, family, friends) all seem to demand more than I can give. Unfortuntely my rotten time-management makes everything worse. Furthermore some of my students are, ehm..., "pubertal".
I don't want to whinge, but it does not help when friends tell me that teachers have more holidays than anyone else, teachers have only a half-time job and get home at 2pm, teachers have nothing to do... They do not see that I come home at 5, have a break till 6 and then spend the rest of the evening (usually till 12) at my desk preparing classes or marking various pieces of work. Same goes for at least half of the weekend, sometimes more if there is marking to do. Right, at the moment I need way too much time to prepare a single class because I do not have any resources I can rely on and I admit that there are periods in history of which I have hardly any knowledge, so I have to read a lot. And don't talk about payment, at the moment I earn less than 1,000 Euro for a 75 hour week!
I just hope it gets better over the months and that I get some routine to manage workload, free time and friends/family in a way that the treadmill runs smoother and slower! I am working on it. So it has nothing to do with YOU if you do not hear anything from me, at least not personally. I avoid my computer as good as I can if I do not have to work.
But there are also things which are positive at the moment. I have the opportunity to spend time with my friends - well, I live with them again :-) I also see my godchild more regularly as I am always at home when they visit my parents. I plan my summer holidays (some change of scene might help), I expect to meet some friends over the holidays (yes, I do have holidays over Easter), I hope I get to know a bit better how my students "tick" as we say in German. But there has also been a shock two weeks ago when my great-aunt was killed in a car-crash.
I spent the last three days with my collegues of the FLG at Schney Castle where we had a psychology and pedagogy training with our tutors. It felt so good that the others who started their teaching career with me seem to have the same kind of problems. My students are lambs compared to some of collegues' students! My school, even though the equipment (OHP, laptop, beamer, etc.) is from the last century, is a good one and not a bad place to start. Still I think about other options, e.g. starting my PhD next year or going abroad again. We will see. I will definitely survive these two year of training and then we will see what happens!
Even though sometimes everything seems black, there is always some white. I think positive, but I long for some free time without my conscience bothering me all the time.
Hope you are all well and I hope I can post more regulary - I work on my time management!
Labels: Schooldays, Way of Life
posted by Nadja @ 6:55 pm
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